Blended Families

We were talking a lot about blended families. It really made me think about things I have not thought of before. I had not really thought a great deal of the struggles blended families have it was very insightful. I did not realize how challenging it is. It makes me think a lot about what I would do in various situations. We watched so videos on blended families and it really changed my thinking. I feel that because of this week I am more empathetic towards families in this situation than I was before. 

Parenting

We have been talking about parenting styles in class. As we were talking it made me appreciate my parents so much more especially my mom.  My parents raised me with a very good parenting style, which I am grateful for.  One thing I realized is how amazing my mom is and how much she has overcome. My mom grew up in a family where the parents used a vey authoritarian parenting style. It was emotionally abusive. My mom was parented a lot like the parenting exhibited in the movie Tangled. I know my mom has had a lot of emotional baggage from it. I remember watching my mom struggle after talking to her parents. My mom has come along way and she has broken the chain in her family so that my posterity and I will not have to suffer as she did. I realized how amazing it is that my mom broke that chain and that she doesn’t have a lot of problems which can come with growing up in that.  I called my mom to tell her how much I love her and how thankful I am for all that she has done and over come. We were both crying on the phone it was a very tender moment. It meant so much to my mom to hear that. I have always told my mom that I love and appreciate her but now I am able to understand a little better what she went through and how hard it has been for her. 

Family Council

In class we talked a lot about family council. This is something I am very passionate about. I grew up in a family that had Family Council every sunday. Looking back I really appreciate that my family held Family council each week. I feel like it really blessed and unified my family.  To me Family Council gave me the eternal perspective that as a family we are a team all working together to the same goal.   In reality as families we are working together to get to the Celestial kingdom so that we can be together forever. One thing I have realized is that it is in the family unit we learn to become more like Christ. We learn Faith, Patience, hope, love charity, service, kindness and so much more. That is why the family is so important.  I feel like Family council is my family’s way of making sure we are all on the same track headed in the same direction. 

I know when my Dad first started family council I thought it was just another silly thing he had cooked up for us to do that would die after a few weeks. But we actually kept with it. Now I’m glad for it, but there were times when I got annoyed with it growing up because there were other things I wanted to do rather than to sit down with my family, plan out our week and talk about how we can improve as a family.  Haha oh man I remember times when I would get so upset with my dad because he pointed out something or another that I needed to do better on. And Of course though I’d hate to admit it, but he was always right. (He really doesn’t need to hear that though I don’t wanna boost his ego…lol just kidding)  It was nice to be able to feel like I had a say on family matters though. Like if I felt we needed to work on something or if something was bothering me I knew that I could talk about it in family council.  Even if it was that I was upset because I felt like I was getting picked on a teased too much or that I felt like we shouldn’t be watching so much TV on Sunday I knew I could bring it. Until now I didn’t realize that a lot of families aren’t like that.  From taking to roommates and friends I have realized how nice it was to be able to have a say in family matters and how blessed I was to have parents who were willing to hear me out and take my thoughts and feelings in to account.  It really brought me closer to my family and my parents. I always told my parents everything that was going on in my life, because I knew I could trust them no mater what even If I had done something really wrong I knew that they loved me anyway and would help me through. I never kept any secrets from my parents like my friends did. I didn’t feel like I needed to, because my parents were so open with me I was open with them. I think it really set a tone of openness in my family and of trust.

Family Crisis

In class we have been talking about family crisis. As I was looking back on my family and the people around me I found that it seems that the families who came out on top were the ones who had a good attitude or outlook on the issue. It seems to me that it matters less about what the crisis is and more about how the family looks at the issue. I have seen people that had a huge crisis come out of it better than families with a smaller crisis.  When we looked at coping mechanisms used it made me really grateful for the family I have. I recognized that for the most part my parents set a pattern or appropriate coping mechanisms in my family.  When we were really struggling my parent held things together really well. 

Changes

This week we talked about affair prevention and many things were brought to my attention that I had not thought of before. I had not thought about how my relationships with friends would change or how I am going to have to change some of my behaviors when I am married. To me hello and goodbye are said with a hug. In class I realized that I am going to have to change that, because I can go around hugging every guy I come in contact with. I am really close with my friends, most of whom are guys, and we say I love you to each other. I don’t know why but it just hit me that I won’t be able to do that when I am married, seems obvious but it just hit me.  The interesting thing is that when we are married we need to separate ourselves in some ways from our friends yet when that occurs people see you as terrible and give you a hard time about it. I often hear people complain about how once a friend started dating someone or once they go married their friend treats them differently. While people act as if this is wrong in reality it is the way it is suppose to be. 

Missionary Work and Parenthood

This week the importance of parenthood has been brought to my attention more so than ever before. I have been thinking a lot about children and motherhood. One thing that came to mind is that parenting is like the ultimate missionary work. For one you have the opportunity to teach the gospel each day. Also by raising children in the gospel the influence you have on your kids can spread to other kids. I thought it was super cool. It just makes me realize how powerful the role of a parent is. Parenthood is such an Amazing and sacred thing. 

Dating

In class we have been talking a lot about marriage prep and dating. I find it fascinating by how off our culture is when it comes to dating. We seem to skip the casual dating step of the process. I don’t understand why we do this it just does not make sense to me. The absence of casual dating is something that has been bothering me a lot in my own dating life. Growing up I was taught to date casually first and to date lots of people, but when I came to college that was not the way things were done here. It seems that people hang out and then skip to the courtship stage forgetting the dating part. Why do we do that? For a while I was so confused it was driving me nuts! I did not understand why someone would try to hold my hand on a first or second date. Or why someone would get upset if I went on one date with one guy on one night and a date with another guy on another night. At one point I thought that something was wrong with me, but now I realize that I was right. We are suppose to date and date lots of people, but for some reason that is not what is going on.  I think it is a real problem and may play a part in why divorce rates are so high. 

Gender Roles

 This week we talked a lot about gender differences. It was quite fascinating. I absolutely loved it. It made me think a lot about not only gender differences but how they have an effect on family. I was thinking about my family and the roles played in my family. As I was talking to a roommate about it I was baffled by the differences in our families. In her family the male was the head of the household and deserved to be treated with respect. In her family you did not dare to talk back to the father. You did not even disagree with something he has stated even if you did so in a respectful manor. Every night the family would wait for the father to come home and approve of the dinner made before they could eat. If he did not approve of the meal the mother and daughters would need to prepare something else. The girls in her family were to help cook and take care of the home while the boys did the yard work or worked. In her family the gender roles were very obvious whereas in mine that is not necessarily the case.  In my house my parent’s seemed to work together as a team neither one was the head. I could talk with my father if I did not agree with him as long as I did so in a respectful manor.  For example if I felt that I should be able to stay out later at night I could sit down and talk to my parents about it and we would come to an agreement.  In my home my dad was a better cook than my mom. While my mom did most of the cooking at times my dad would cook.  My parents also did not separate us having the girls do certain jobs and the boys do others. We all worked together and did more of what personally interest us or we were more skilled with. I find it fascinating how the varying perspective on gender roles with in family make such a big difference in the whole dynamic or make up of an family. It makes me wonder how my perspective will affect my future family and it makes me think about how I want my future family to operate.

Boundaries

                                

              In class we have been talking about boundaries with in a family. There can be Ridged, Permeable/Clear, Poor/Diffused, Affiliation, Over Involvement, and Detouring Boundaries.  A permeable/clear boundary is best because it is balanced it is not too ridged or too open.             

            This weekend has been General Conference. General Conference happens twice a year and it is a time when people from all over the world, gather to hear the Prophet’s voice speak to us. One thing I realized is how great of an example our Father in Heaven is to us on appropriate boundaries. I was thinking about how the Lord gives us the information we need, trusts us to follow him, and lets us make decisions on our own. Heavenly Father has set up permeable boundaries with us. He is not to ridged or too open with us. Our Father in Heaven gives us the perfect example of parenting.  Sometimes he gives us specific step by step directions and guidance, but other times he doesn’t. I realized that the lord doesn’t always tell us exactly what he wants us to do because he wants us to learn to follow the spirit and out own judgment. He wants us to have the freedom to make out own choices.  As a parent it is important to guide children, but at the same time teach them how to make good decisions on their own. 

Just think about it...

           Have you ever thought about how much The Family has and changed over the years? What all has changed? What issues are there with these changes? When you really think about it and dig deep, trends in family today are very concerning. Look at it families are smaller, Marriages aren’t lasting as long as they should, fewer are getting married. Marriage is often delayed to an older age and cohabitation has become more common. We are having issues with premarital sex, and there are many single mothers out there.  I know a lot of people see these changes as small issues but I truly feel they are critical issues.

            Each of these trends shows and contributes to the break down of the family. It seems like everywhere I turn I hear about a family that is falling apart. Why is that? The Family a Proclamation to the World explains how the family is central to our Heavenly Fathers plan. Don’t you think that something that is so central and so sacred would be important to protect? Don’t you think that any problem that would breakdown something so important would be considered a critical issue?

            As we were discussing this in class it made me realize how many trends in our society contribute to the breakdown of the family. It made my heart ach a bit. I come from a strong stable family. I can just imagine the pain and hardship that occurs in so many families today.

I love this document!!! This is my view of family!!!

Hello there!!! Welcome to my Family Relations blog!! This blog is for one of the classes I am taking this fall. I am supper excited for this class and blog. I don't know about you, but I LOVE learning about families!! Family is such an important part of our lives which makes it such an important thing to study. I know my Family means more to me than anything else! I am the oldest of 5 kids and I have AMAZING parents. I feel so blessed to have the family I do and I am so glad I get to be with them forever, for time and all eternity!!!